Why Should I Forgive-Part 3

Philemon 1:19

Scripture Reference

Philemon 1:19

“I Paul have written it with mine own hand, I will repay; that I may not say to thee that thou owest me thyself.” (KJV)

Introduction

This sermon is the third in a series titled “Why Should I Forgive.” We continue in the short but richly practical book of Philemon. Dr. Terry LeQuieu helps us see why forgiveness is not optional for the Christian — it is a gospel-shaped response with many motivations: we owe it, we are obliged to do it, we are called to obey, we must open our hearts, and we must organize our lives to practice it. The passage grounds us in a very human context: Onesimus, a runaway slave who had wronged Philemon, is now a brother in Christ. Paul appeals for forgiveness, restoration, and a fuller welcome. This message will help younger believers and long-time Christians alike remember where they came from, what Christ has done, and how that compels us to forgive.

Outline

1. Motivation of Owing
   1. Paul’s handwritten pledge — Paul signs with his own hand (Philemon 1:19). This emphasizes personal responsibility; he will repay any debt Onesimus owes. Paul’s willingness to put his name on the debt illustrates gospel humility: Christ paid the debt we could not pay.
   2. Remember where you came from — Paul reminds Philemon of his former life in Ephesus and the darkness he was saved from. That memory should soften the heart toward those newly saved or still struggling. We often forget how much we owe God; that forgetfulness hardens us toward others.
   3. Practical takeaway — When bitterness rises, rehearse your own salvation story. Remind yourself of grace received; gratitude fuels forgiveness.
2. Motivation of Obligation
   1. Commanded kindness — Paul links forgiveness to Ephesians 4:32: “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Forgiveness is not merely optional sentiment; it is a commanded fruit of the Spirit.
   2. Rejoicing and refreshing — Forgiving brings joy (Paul’s “let me have joy of thee”) and internal refreshment (“refresh my bowels”). Forgiveness lifts burdens; it renews the heart.
   3. Practical takeaway — Practice the obedience of forgiveness and expect inner refreshment. Don’t wait for feelings; obey Scripture and God will renew you as you do so.
3. Motivation of Obedience
   1. Confidence in God’s people — Paul expresses confident expectation that Philemon will do “more than I say” (v. 21). Spiritual obedience often exceeds the minimum; it restores beyond the bare terms of justice.
   2. Welcome, not merely tolerance — Paul’s hope is restoration to brotherhood, even family. Forgiveness should move toward reconciliation and full acceptance when possible and prudent.
   3. Practical takeaway — Don’t settle for minimal forgiveness. Seek to rebuild relationships where trust and repentance are present, allowing the Spirit to deepen restoration over time.
4. Motivation of Openness
   1. Prepare lodging — open your heart — Paul asks Philemon to prepare lodging (v. 22). Forgiveness requires vulnerability: we must open our home and heart. That openness allows love and care to flow again.
   2. Vulnerable, not gullible — Openness does not mean naive permissiveness. Set wise boundaries and safeguards while remaining willing to love and to give second (and many) chances.
   3. Practical takeaway — Reopen the door slowly. Allow time for trust to rebuild. Put safe structures in place (accountability, counseling, boundaries) while practicing genuine love.
5. Motivation of Organization
   1. Surround yourself with godly people — Paul lists fellow laborers (Epaphras, Marcus, Aristarchus, Demas, Luke). Spiritual community provides help, encouragement, and accountability in the hard work of forgiveness and restoration.
   2. Take the next right step — Forgiveness is immediate in act, but restoration is a process. Organize your life: set small, safe steps, involve trusted brothers and sisters, and seek biblical counsel.
   3. Practical takeaway — Don’t rebuild alone. Invite trusted believers to walk with you. Use wise, stepwise plans (counseling, accountability, clear boundaries) to move from forgiveness to restored life.
6. Motivation of Attitude: Grace
   1. Grace in the spirit — Paul closes with “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit” (v. 25). Forgiveness starts in the spirit — a gracious attitude that imitates Christ.
   2. Attitude matters most — Actions without a transformed spirit easily become legalism or hypocrisy. True forgiveness flows from grace experienced and extended.
   3. Practical takeaway — Pray for a gracious spirit daily. Ask God to change your attitude before you attempt restoration. Grace will shape both limits and openness.

Summary

Paul’s appeal in Philemon is more than a personal letter about a runaway slave; it is a clear picture of gospel-shaped forgiveness. We forgive because we owe a debt we cannot repay, because God commands it, because obedience brings joy and refreshment, because real forgiveness requires openness (with wise boundaries), and because organized support helps us walk the path of restoration. Above all, grace must govern our spirit. As Christians, we imitate Christ’s mercy — even when no apology comes — because Christ forgave us when we had nothing to offer.

Quote to Ponder

When Christ forgave you for salvation, he secured your eternal destination in heaven.

Application for the Week

Here are practical, step-by-step actions to put this sermon into practice. Choose one or two to work on this week and ask a trusted brother or sister to pray with you and hold you accountable.

1. Rehearse your salvation story
   1. Write down one or two short paragraphs of where God saved you from and what He did in your life. Read it when resentment rises.
2. Obey before you feel like it
   1. Identify one person you need to forgive (it may be someone who never apologized). Pray and take one small step of obedience this week — a silent prayer of release, a brief spoken blessing, or a note asking God to help you forgive.
3. Open with wisdom
   1. If restoration is appropriate, plan one controlled step toward rebuilding trust: a short visit, a supervised phone call, or a time-limited meeting in a public setting. Do not rush; set clear boundaries.
4. Organize accountability
   1. Invite two trusted believers (or a pastor) to pray with you and to meet with you once this month to walk through the restoration steps and to give biblical counsel.
5. Pray for grace in your spirit
   1. Each morning this week ask God: “Lord, give me a gracious spirit toward ___________.” Keep a short journal of any change in attitude or peace you experience.
6. Practice the long game
   1. Commit to “one next right step” each week for the next month toward restoration or toward personal healing. Celebrate small progress and continue to rely on Scripture and prayer.

If you would like prayer about forgiveness, restoration in a marriage, or help setting up accountability, contact your pastor or a trusted mature believer in your church. Forgiveness is hard — but the Gospel makes it possible, and the church should be the place where we learn and practice it together.

Amen.